Deuces

For the past four years, every day has been exactly the same. I could predict the future, cause i repeated the same routine. Yet, I wouldn't change anything and i've enjoyed my time here at the country club- it lead me to become the woman I am. And I can't feel anything but ecstasy for my future at the University of Miami. I've got an awesome roommate named Chloe. And I can't wait to just pour myself into the football games, the art and culture clubs, the schools organizations and the academics. After many high school shenanigans, I'm ready to settle down and start my future career. Viva la Miami!

Creative blog: tumblr

There's a website called tumblr.com and it's an awesome way to create an artistic blog and follow ones. Whatever people like whether it be food, music, painting, fashion, nature, etc - you've got a blog to follow! It's awesome and some of these blogs people post pictures they've found as inspirational or pictures they themselves have taken. It's a nice outlet to create something that helps express yourself, show what youre interested in and much more. Tumblr has really grown out of the normal artistry and into even more non-conventional and personal realms which i love. You can go to a blog and just get to know the person- without even having to start a conversation. A picture is worth a thousand words- tumblrs worth a whoooole lot more!

Creative blog: the mind

So, "statistically, the probability of any one of us being here is so small that the mere fact of our existence should keep us all in a state of contented dazzlement." Anywho, i think its insane that everything we experience, see, feel is just all in our heads. Your brain decides everything; what food you want, what clothing you wear, who you want to hang with. And, we'd like to think that we are mostly making these decisions based on 'rationality' but the fact of the matter is that we're slaves to our emotions. Our rational decisions are based on how we feel- they're intermixed. The brain is a awesome and complex machine- i hope we keep finding out more and more about it and also ways to manipulate it!

Creative blog: movie

The Skin I Live In was just recently released as a new and thrilling foreign movie. I would recommend this movie to all. I have the urge to tell you the plot but it would completely ruin the movie which's entire plot runs on twists and cliff-hangers. Anywho, it's a brilliant, compelling and non-conventional movie that is so beautifully and artistically done that i'd see it again! You can get it on itunes and it's in english subtitles; the movie is in Spanish. Also if anyone enjoys Antonio Banderas or Elena Anaya- it's your lucky day- they're the main stars.

Creative blog: music

Music is defined as a combination of sounds with a view to beauty of form and expression of emotion. Music's a tool that helps us experience and connect to emotions we're unable to articulate. There are many limits in language and I feel that music fills the gap immensly.
To get awesome songs and not the boring itunes mainstream poopy, go here!:
http://www.vacayvitamins.com/
http://earmilk.com/
http://www.themusicninja.com/
http://thissongissick.com/
These sites are so diverse and have every genre of music from downtempo to electronica to folk to drum n bass to ambient and so on! And i feel that having an eclectic taste in music is really important- it shows depth and intelligence- at least in my eyes. Enjoy :]

College Powerpoint

Plagiarism is considered a serious offense in academic settings. In general, when plagiarism is discovered by a faculty member any one or more of the following responses are considered appropriate:  1. Failure on the assignment. 2. Failure in the course. 3. Referral to the Honor Council. 4. Dismissal from the School/University and forfeiture of the degree. If plagiarism is discovered after a course or program has been completed, the following responses may be recommended:1. Failure of the course, retroactively. 2. Failure of the program, retroactively. 3. Withdrawal of degree, retroactively. It is required that I take: English Composition, Mathematics, Modern or Classical Languages, People and Society, Arts and Humanities, and Natural Sciences.

So, I have picked the following: English Requirement:
ENG105- Introduction to Composition I
Mathematics and Computer Science Requirement:
MTH101- Pre-Calculus Social Sciences – Choice 1: PSY110 - Introduction to Psychology
Choice 2: APY101 - Introduction to Anthropology
Choice 3: SOC101 - Introduction to Sociology

Humanities –Choice 1: PHI101 - Introduction to Philosophy
Choice 2: ARH131 - Survey of Western Art I
Choice 3: FLT190 - Freshman Seminars in Literature

Natural Sciences – Choice 1: BIL107 - Introduction to Evolution
Choice 2: BIL109 - Human Biology
Choice 3: GEG120 - Physical Geography
Languages – Choice 1: SPA102 - Elementary Spanish II

I emailed Zhu from Miami and he said: People here are very diverse because there are a lot of international students but the students from America are mainly white. The culture here is not like Miami. There is not a lot of the Cuban influence. If you are extremely into frats and sororities then Miami doesn't really offer the full experience because frat row is not really that big esp. for sororities. I do not even think there are houses. A car is a must and I wish I could walk around to places. People at UM are cool and nice, a lot of people that go to frats seem to have fun though but I just prefer the clubs. The biggest thing for me is that the dining hall food is just whack. Most people are very friendly and down to earth. There are some materialistic people but other people who have a lot of money but are humble about it. Miami does have good programs and majors. Some teachers suck ass and some are willing to talk to you just about anything!

College Catalog

College website: http://www.miami.edu/
Catalog website: http://www.educationmiami.com/en/coursecatalog.aspx

I'll be going into the school of Undeclared Arts and Sciences. Here, it is required that I take: English Composition, Mathematics, Modern or Classical Languages, People and Society, Arts and Humanities, and Natural Sciences. I need 15 credits for one semester, so I'll be taking 5 to 6 classes in a semester. In Undeclared Arts and Sciences the above courses are a required area of study in order to recieve my BA, BS or BFA. Interestingly enough, I learned that the national norm of college students is to change majors an average of two times before graduation. So, I'm very happy I've gone into such a broad topic that will help me explore all different interests and that will hopefully guide me to my true passions in the arts and sciences. I'm very open to trying all different types of classes; however, I also know what I just downright don't want to be in life. By that I mean a hedge-fund manager or a cook and so on. In UM, they stress English Composition HIGHLY. They say its extremely important to be able to write effectively to progress through my academic and professional successes. The aim is to help me become confident and proficient at addressing the range of writing situations I will encounter at the collegiate level! GO CANES!

P2 to Meursault Essay

Life is so trivial and human consciousness is so cruel. It serves no higher purpose, no mission, and no meaning. People need to think that thoughts were made for a meaningful reason. Animals are unaware and they have no concept of self-consciousness and intellectual thought. Yet, when us humans are here with the cursing and blessing of consciousness- of reality, we need a reason for it or else it all goes to waste- to nothing. If one can’t connect consciousness and knowledge to missions and purposes then consciousness and knowledge become meaningless. That’s why I believe religion is a mere means of survival. I, however am an atheist, and it’s hard to live such a silly, ironic existence around such a serious population. 

Introduction to Camus Essay

During my eleventh year at Buckley, I had begun to explore the world of exitential nihlism- but my fasincation turned into a massive obession and this magnificient philosophy turned to become how i'd make my daily decisions, what my relationships were, what i did, and what my interal thoughts were. It was a philosophy that turned everything that was hard and complex into easy and simple- it was a philosophy that made me face the absurd fearlessly and live with it, just as Meursault has. The Stranger by Albert Camus and The Doors of Perception by Aldous Huxley will both mirror that of my life, Meursaults life, and the theories of existential nihlism. As Friedrich Nietzsche once brilliantly stated: "A nihilist is a man who judges of the world as it is that it ought not to be, and of the world as it ought to be that it does not exist. According to this view, our existence (action, suffering, willing, feeling) has no meaning: the pathos of 'in vain' is the nihilists' pathos — at the same time, as pathos, an inconsistency on the part of the nihilists." In short, existential nihlism and the above advocates force us to face the knowledge that nothing is meaningful except meaninglessness.

Camus Essay

Facing the Absurd:
My essay will focus on detachment and being an outsider. I'm connecting my personal life to the personal life of Meursault. It will explore questions such as: "Is Meursalt content with his empy, random life? Could you be? Also, the theme of alienation will be used to connect myself with Meursault. I've decided to use Aldous Huxley, The Doors of Perception as my second work. I'm going to use more than one quote from The Stranger, but one i know for certain is the last passage of the book: " In that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world. Finding it so much like myself- so like a brother, really- I felt that I had been happy and that I was happy again." Ever since i've read that paragprah, i've fallen in love with it and have become twisted and enchanted with his words and meanings. My thesis involves the opening of existential nihlism and how it has become more than just a philosophy for me, but a life style and how this has guided my daily behavior and molded me: During my eleventh year at Buckley, I had begun to explore the
world of exitential nihlism- but my fasincation turned into a massive obession and this
magnificient philosophy turned to become how i'd make my daily decisions, what my
relationships were, what i did, and what my interal thoughts were. It was a philosophy that
turned everything that was hard and complex into easy and simple- it was a philosophy that made me face the absurd fearlessly and live with it, so empty and so happy. Most people wont understand this, but thats because most people are all the same and think the same. I dont and i wouldnt trade that for anything.

Meursault

       
Meursault just doesn't care and in a way it completely frees him. He's not chained down by the binding feelings of others- or himself. He's uninvolved towards life's trivialities such as shaking hands, smoking in front of the deceased, or telling white lies. He holds no bonds to established standards. And yet, in a way it also completly imprisons him because he's too much to himself. Being so disconnected towards others has left him alone. But Meursault seems fine with his loneliness. I once read a funny and true quote saying: "If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company. Not only is Meursault ok with being alone- he likes it. Moreover, why care when nothing matters? It seem counterproductive to care about something that's meaningless? Meursault's attitude is more than just a story line- its a philosophy. It's a way of life and a perspective of life. For Meursault it just seems so hopeless to care about such a mundane existence: go to school, to go to college, to get a job, get a retirement -die. When life, no matter what will always end the same- what's the point?

Icarus: poem and painting

As Icarus falls into the water and drowns, every man and woman near are indifferent to his sufferings. Icarus isn't even the focal point of the poem or painting. Let alone, in the painting he can barely be noticed! The poem and painting reduce Icarus's sufferings to a mere blip and life around- the cattle, the ships, work go on. Life goes on- it's just another day. The poem and painting give us a brilliant perspective into how they view daily life and the myth of Icarus. The implications for both are that no one cares who Icarus is, he's superfluous and life is just an ordinary event that occurs. Also, I don't know whether this could be going overboard- but I feel as if I could compare this to The Stranger. There is a certain kind of detachment from Icarus's sufferings, from any emotion as the painting is kind of ordinary and bland, and also a detachment from life. It's merely something that goes on- nothing special.

Blogs 2 follow

The below are blogs that I think are creative, awe-inspiring, interesting, intelligent and inventive- both in writing and in art. Within the blogsophere, there are a plethora of horrible, stupid blogs but within this I'm hoping to find the needle in the haystack! It's a hard search for these brilliant blogs but I'm sure I'll find many more!
http://pocket-universe.blogspot.com/
http://scientificart.blogspot.com/
http://www.camplinart.blogspot.com/
http://kat-vanka.blogspot.com/
http://world-science-blog.blogspot.com/
http://crispian-jago.blogspot.com/

Camus 2

"The others would all be condemned one day. And he would be condemned, too. What would it matter if he were accused of murder and then executed because he didn't cry at his mother's funeral? Salamano's dog was worth just as much as his wife. The little robot woman was just as guilty as the Parisian woman Masson marries, or as Marie, who wanted me to marry her. What did it matter that Raymong was as much as my friend as Celeste, who was worth a lot more than him? What did it matter that Marie not offered her lips to a new Meursault." 

Here, Meursault illustrates the lack of importance in life's trivilalities. However, life itself is mundane and trivial. So, anything and everything is pointless. In terms of condemnation, he sees all as having to pay for what they've done. No one is perfectly holy and mankind itself is doomed to condemnation. Yet, it doesn't matter- when life doesn't matter. He points out interesting perspectives when he sees that a dog could be just as valuable to someone as a wife. It is through these relationships and life's lack of meaning that Meursault shows how much "it doesn't matter." Who cares if Meursault will lose his girl, who cares if he likes Raymond, who cares about the guilty and non guilty, who cares about anything. When nothing matters, all is fair game. If the old man loves a dog more than a wife- who cares. If Meursault gets executed- who cares? Surely not him. To become this way you have to have a certain level of dissociation from life's wonders- although detached- Meursault chooses to be this way. If life is pointless- whats the point of even engaging reality. And through this he becomes alienated. But, we cannot forget that he feels, more than anything; he chooses to not feel-because, what's the point of feeling?

Camus

"As if that blind rage had washed me clean, rid me of hope; for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world. Finding it so much like myself—so like a brother, really—I felt that I had been happy and that I was happy again. For everything to be consummated, for me to feel less alone, I had only to wish that there be a large crowd of spectators the day of my execution and that they greet me with cries of hate."

I'm sure this passage can be interpreted in many different ways within many different people. However, I see this text as Meursault's ending. His absoulute, unavoidable rage at the world surronding him has suffocated him to a point of surrender. And on this night, he finally choices to take all he's felt, all he's thought, all he's known- and let go. Meursault's casual choice of short, percise sentences has lead me to believe that he feels so much that he must diminish it to that point or else it will consume him. Paradoxically, he's dismissive due to his intense involvement into his feelings. If he wasn't so disinvolved, he's be eaten up and so he chooses to be so casual in life. But now, after all hope is lost, he is finally able to let go. Readers must realize that Meursault is not truly a dissociative, detached person- although he may convey this message. It is only until this night that Meursault actaully lets go and becomes detached from reality. And here, in this moment, he becomes happy. Once at peace, Meursault is OK with his inevitable fate of death and so, removed from everyone and at peace Meursault desires for all these ignorant people to "greet" him with hate. And personally, I'd like to image Meursault smiling as everyone screams at him and as he takes his final breath.

Genesis 1: The Beginning

"So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them."

This passage here is almost written in a ritualistic chant as it repeats over of what God has done and the good he has created. This language has an almost omnipotence to it as it confidently tells us what happens and doesn't even question, doesn't even doubt the "facts." This universality the Genesis holds within its matter-of-fact tone of confidence is so powerful. It takes hold of the reader and lets the reader have full faith and trust in its texts. On the contrary, Darwin states his facts but adds with it his doubts and his awareness and understanding within his readers doubts and questions. This uncertainty within Darwin's words gives the reader the ability to contemplate and decide for him or herself the facts. Unlike Genesis, which confidently gives us these "truths" in almost a commanding tone and holds that we must trust these words and if we were to doubt them- we would be foolish. This confidence is so powerful it takes hold of the reader and almost intimidates the reader to do otherwise then follow the commands.

Charles Darwin

Darwin was so brilliant and curious for his time!

"There is grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers, having been originally breathed into a few forms or into one; and that, whilst this planet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of gravity, from so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being, evolved." Here, this passage has so brilliantly summed up Darwin's curiousites and his theories. In this sentence he is describing the vast complexity of such an "entangled bank." There are physical laws that govern each of us, and although humans are so independent from worms and worms so independent from fish- we are still all so dependent on each other within very complex laws and intelligent designs. I believe we all share this deep void that Darwin is describing here. We are conscious creatures, and so, we are conscious of the complexities within life and the so brilliant and beautiful designs of the universe. We each share this complete awe at what is around us and how deeply it is interconnected- some may fill this void with god, with science, and some will forever have this unfillable void. But, no matter what, one cannot deny that this void and this unconcievable "entangled bank" still lies.

P2 of Conformity Essay

While conformity is often seen negatively in western culture, Sigmund Freud and Charles Darwin give light to the positivity of conforming through theories of a uniform society and a biologically deep rooted need to 'imitate' our peers. In Civilization and its Discontents, Sigmund Freud maintains that an ideal "culture demands sacrifices" one being conformity. In a world where man preys upon man, a civil society at large needs to develop in order for human beings to remain. And, it is with conformity that we can build a secure foundation for progress within a powerful community. Indeed, if everyone were to pursue different interests without the entire whole in mind, conflict would arise and bonds would be broken. It is through deep and interwined conformity that we can "levy energy" and exist so well together. Now, in Darwin's Origin of Species we are shown how advantageous it is to follow, imitate, and reflect our peers. Beyond the social benefits, we are biologically predispoced to mirror others in efforts of simply learning the environment, society at large, and ourselfs in relation to others. We are social beings, and socializing is at the very core of our beings. No species can survive on their own, indeed; we need each other and not only to survive but also to be happy. And although conformity may demand some sacrifices of being an individual, the overall benefits completely outway individualism. Personally, i think many people overlook these benefits because they are at the basic of our survival and daily living- the importance of conformity has lost its content when we have no capacity for gratitude in a such standard society. Yet, the pangs of all would soon be seen if suffering and calamity were to take place. When ever there is a disaster, do you see people spreading apart and wanting to be an "individual"? No. People come together and conform to reestablish the powerful bonds of community and well-being. But, with many of my peers living in a cosy western society the ability to gain a different perspective is hard to almost impossible. Life without conformity would be unendurable and frusterations would reach to a point of no return.

Introduction P1

Since the beginning of time, species have conformed and habituated with one another in a plight to survive and reproduce. It is through consciousness, human beings have trouble finding a balance for conformity and individualism. Yet, no one can deny the evidence that conformity is essential for any species- conscious or unconscious. Conformity is fundamental in order to form a civil and stable society and a civil and stable species. Indeed, through the literature of Sigmund Freud in Civilization and its Discontents, Charles Darwin in Origin of Species, a local survey, and a personal interview, the data about conformity will show that conforming is not only natural but normal. Conformity goes beyond "copying", it is cooperating and systematic. We are social beings and must coliberate with one another for a society to properly process. Humanity grows when we work together, survive together, and adapt together. For the sake of stability and necessity, habituation and conformity are vital and without such a structure both mankind and its modern civilization would sucumb to an unescapable downfall.

Interview time!

So i did my interview with Mimi and it really helped shape my point and also gave me a lot of great insights and points to include as well! I'm hoping to soon upload my interview to my weebly but that's proving not to work, at the moment. I tried to really open up my interview because even though i have a narrow topic- i thought it would be good to see where she could take it and how she really viewed her transformation. As we got more into her story i then began specific questions about the normalicy of conformity and not only did she agree but she gave me specific examples of why she conformed and the consequences not conforming would bring. Now, I was only taking my essay in the direction of biology but Mimi opened it up more towards a philosophical and moral side. She pointed out that conforming, interestingly enough, made her her own person; that if you don't conform and try other cultures and put yourself into the environment - you're not going to grow as a person and develop. Moreover, she spoke about a constant battle between traditions in the household but then a liberal influence outside the household. As she grew up, she found a peace and a balance but it was not without struggle and Mimi concluded that she could of stayed the way she was and not conform and not deal with the struggle - but then she wouldn't be who she was today. The struggle made her a better person and conformity shaped her- for the better.

Theory

Conformity translates to "the act of matching attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors to what individuals perceive as normal to their society or social group." Why would animals want matching attitudes, beliefs and behaviors? Well, according to Freud civilization is an essential component to survival- and civilization curves a structure and model for attitudes, beliefs and behaviors. This is so, because a higher moral structure helps guide those belonging to that society and culture. It is not only normal to associate with matching behaviors for a civil structure but also natural. In each of our animalistic brains, we have what is called "mirror neurons", these mirror neurons are hardwired into our brain since the beginning of evolution and are for the direct purpose to mirror actions and thoughts and to empathize, but i wont digress with the latter. 
It is in our DNA, our foundation, and in our best interest to conform. For example, conformity is an amazing teacher- if i see someone fishing and they're catching all the fish, as i sit fish-less, it is in my best interest to mirror this man's actions and conform to his fishing techniques.  
As our population grows more and more and conformity becomes increasingly suffocating- culture beings to see conformity negatively and wants to break out. But, we cannot deny the social and natural benefits of this normal condition. And although in certain circumstances conforming may interfere with positive aspects of life- the importance of conformity is unrelenting. 

The nature of a normal condition

It was Darwin in the Origin of Species and Freud in Civilization and its Discontents that gave rise to the animality of the human condition.
It was Camus in The Stranger that brilliantly investigated the strangeness it is to be anything at all and the absurd struggles to exist in existence. In my essay i will be discussing the theory of the normality of conformity. Many people oppose conformity and label it with a negative connotation. I will be trying to show it in a different light- the normality of it and the positivity of it too. Whether it is immigrating or creating a society or understanding behavior- conformity is a powerful tool and being able to mirror others is an essential part of humanity. However The Stranger is important in showing how conformity can become suffocating sometimes- yet overall he understands its importance. The simplicity of the world elopes the main narrator in normality and he is fine with that and what he is- whatever that may be.

Pressure: 3; Samsa and Mimi

Kafka opens up the idea that "conformity is alienating and dehumanizing," however one would think the exsact opposite. It could be that conformity is alienating because you get further and further away from your "true" self. And, it could be dehumanizing because you go from being a part to just a whole and nothing more/nothing less. Gregor Samsa helps his family, works double time and has lost all sense of himself to provide and take care of others. In his life of being basically a busy bug -Samsa is gone.
In relation to conformity now and then. Theres a slight problem with comparing that which cannot be compared. Theyre two different scales- and its hard to weigh them equally. 1915 for Samsa was a completely different time than 2012. In 1915 the population rate was completely different and icomprehensibly smaller than now. So, with much less people the competitveness of today cannot compare as well as the attention to other around you. Today, we have the internet and the internet changed everything. Also we have Facebook, Myspace, dating sites, etc...with the internet inter-personal relationships have been compeltely changed and morphed. Connection has becomes less personal, shallow, and imcomplete- although, ironic enough, its become more convienent to communicate. With all that said- the pressure to be the crowd was so much more intense- with less people you would of stood out much more and had less people to relate to. You can see when Samsa doesn't show up for work- his boss shows up! Today, we can call in sick and our boss probably wouldn't give a heck to show all the way up at our houses. So the better able we are to blend in today- the more challanged we are to stand out. And people see that as a good thing- depending on the circumstances. As for my interview, I've decided to do it with my stepmom Mimi. She was born in Iran and lived there until she was a teenager. At the age of 14 she came to highschool in America and could barely speak any English. She had gone from a traditional persian family in Iran to a laidback Californian highschool knowing only Farsi. She'd tell me when she first came to the school she walked into the bathroom and thought it was smelled "funny" and she should tell an adult and then someone pulled her aside and said "Relax dude! It's just weed." Mimi had no idea what was going on and with the complete transition to jeans and sandels, a new curriculum in a new langange and Californians she had- to say the least- a hard time- but she knew she had to conform to American culture or else she would have an even harder time.

Pressure: 2

Creatures habituate with one another for social, environmental, emotional, and natural reasons- and beyond this there are consequences to not conforming. Such as alienation, lack of skills (education), lack of opportunities, lack of chance and success. Like i said, people need people both to be well as a part of the whole and as a whole together. Looking back the biggest chances in success were To conform. However, looking at todays structure- the biggest chances at success are indeed breaking the norm- being different and innovative. The competition is more intense than ever and everyone is fighting to be new and different in hopes of finding success, happiness, etc. Not a lot of people today are going to get "big" by blending in- people want to stand out, be influential- whether it's with big ideas or a big personality. Examples? Lady Gaga, Steve Jobs, Steven Hawking. The economy, expectations, society, religion, civilization and culture are different now than are older generations- but the pressure will never dissipate, only change form. I

Pressure: young vs. old

Thoughts at the moment: Back then, the pressure was more intense. The time's were more repressive. There was more of a narrow character to obtain than today. Today, our culture encourages being different, taking control of your life and doing what make you happy. Back then, there was a more stereotypical narrow type to fill: classic business money making, care-taking, family man. Darwinism: In human nature: it is in our DNA and natural to follow your species. That's how young learn from the old. That's how animals learn to adapt. Conformity is not all bad, to conform can be to agree that an action or thought is right- is that conformity? or is that information? adaptation? catorgizing? natural selection selecting? Also, I believe pressure comes from a myriad of things, there is not just one cause. It is the media as well as the culture as well as insecurities as well as human nature. For the freedom to choose, i'd say, yes and no. Or at least, yes to an extent. You cannot completely stray from the pressure to follow. People need people. People need people for advice, experience, guidance, survival. Call it conformity or following - but i call it adaptation.
As of now, i'm struggling to narrow my topic down. However, i think i'm going to anaylze the pressure of older generations vs. ours and finally why the pressure even exists.

P3

The conflict "between what we profess to be and what we are" rises soley from the development of civilization. Civilization demands sacrifices that restrict our natural aggressiveness, instictual tendencies, sexual desires and selfish gene. Our culture commands obligations from modern civilized man and holds that to maintain such a measure of structure- man must procure peace. However, this leads mankind away from itself - it's "tendency to aggression", it's "inertia of libido", it's temptations to gratify" and towards the denial of ourselves in a reality of civility and morality. Homo homini lupus is gone, man no longer preys upon man and this ultimatley creates an "absurd gap." Furthermore, in civilizations plight to control, man becomes a repressed creature. And, to deny man its freedom would cause much unhappiness to any truly aware man. So, mankind keeps in denial of his condition and attempts to stay in a state of satisfaction in his own darkness. Yet, no one can deny the powerful measure to which man has a natural capacity "to use sexually","to seize posessions", "to humiliate", "to torture" and "to kill". It is this selfish gene- coined by Richard Dawkins that so plainly achieves the nature between men. However, civilization tries to quell that relationship and ease nature's aggressiveness. But to deny and deprive the existence of "our aggressive tendencies in mankind" is in itself the gap between our professment of what we are and what we are.

P2

Civilization's purpose is to create an order among humans. It is to repress the people into a structural foundation that will create some sense of tranquility and uniform. We see that society instills a certain ego in ourselves. We see that it is society that keeps us in check. We are good people not because we are good beings but rather we fear punishment and consequences from acting against the mainstream pressure of repression. We fear condensation, alienation, and gossip from our groups so we stay in line. Society commands discipline of its people and in this, repression and restraint are commanded. Society has put upon its members a professed disguise; yet, beyond the ego we are what we are. However, it is through deciet and denial that we avoid the truth of scoiety's purpose. Throughout Marlow's evolution, he comes to see this wide gap "between what we profess to be and what we are" and is marveled by the absurdity of his position in the world. Indeed, civilization has tried to rationalize the irrational and control the uncontrollable. Yet, the denial is the darkness. The denial of oneself's true expressions of desire, irrational forces, and sexual urges is Conrad's conception of the void. Civilization has been belived to be the light, bringing man and choas to morality and structure- but Conrad tries to show that it is actaully the dark and brings nothing but a false perception of manself and ignorance. In a sense, man has lost themselves to a false reality of the superego and is professing to be what they surely are not.

Introduction: The Concealment of Civilization; A Vain and Floating Appearance

      In Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness, Marlow gains insight into the true absurdity and discontinuity of the world. As he travels further into the darkness, he is more free to pursue an uncontrollable journey into the representation of mankind. And, throughout his fruitless endevours Marlow encounters what is surely his most fulfilling and important discovery- "the absurd gap between what we profess to be and what we are." It is through art, alientation, langange, and nature that Marlow finds his concealed "hidden self" and gains a better truth on the disguise civilization has put on his own existence. Indeed, Frederick Karl and Sigmond Freud's idealology provide a modern rendition to this skewed relationship between ourselves and the universe. Consequently, in stressing these irrational elements in humanity- Marlow and the reader are able to travel further into the unconscious and disinteregate from reality.

Essay Points!

Intro: The Concealment of Civilization; a Vain and Floating Appearance

Main Points:
My main points will be on the massive symbolism in Heart of Darkness
The absurd and pointless, meaninglessness of life
The gap of reality and appearance: what we are and what we profess to be
The inevitable darkness of mankind and the illusions that cloud the truth of this nilihism
The irrational and rational of exsistence
The suffering of alientating unimaginable "banality of evil"
**I will be covering mostly Karl's psychoanalytic work/essay on his troubling truths.

Karl

In Karl's essay he explores the symbolism of "darkness". What is the darkness? We see that both as we get further into the jungle in the Heart of Darkness we also get further into the sleeping unconscious and so, further into the darkness. This leads us into the hidden self Karl shows us and also into more and more of a huge gap between what we are now and what we used to be. This massive alienation poses an image of man where their are no secrets to be had, no wishes to be fufilled, and all the horrors imaginable. But the psyche must accept these conditions and his troubling sense as he can become more conscious of himself and his truths, his lies, his dreams, his horrors. The many symbols in Heart of Darkness suggest a plethora of meanings from sex to power to death. But it is through discovering the symbols through the darkness that we gain insight into the true light of this story and inevitable to the true evil.

Freudians

In "What is Psychoanalytic Criticism?" Freudian theories of repressed and unconscious states are regarded as his important points in his main motivating interpretations. Social stability and civility though have repressed these natural instincits - only able to be revealed through practices such as art, languange, dreams and so on.
An idea i gave produced from Freuds developments is that when one sees another induvidual with a manifestation of themselves- but something they themselves have repressed- displaced emotions of hate or fear result. Moreover this could be the result of a defense mechanism to oneself since the individual was suppressed by other forces such as society, culture, customs and etc. Yet, my question would be although Freud brings these issues to the forefront - whats the solution, and more importantly would he desire to destroy repression and the disguised instincts? ...personally, all i think that would evolve from that would be a travel back to a dog eat dog world in the early centuries of mankind. We evolved this way for a reason. Some things do indeed need to be repressed. Some kind of order needs to remain in such a chaotic world.

The Horror, the horror

"The Horror, the horror."
In this phrase, Kurtz is talking about the uncivilized cannibals. The horror is how these cannibals are savages and have lost complete touch with their humanity. The horror is how easy and quick such a manifestation can take place. Their mannerism, moral, and ideals have gone down the drain and the ego is completely lost. The id has taken over rapidly and the horror is that these morals take so much time to instill and yet they can be destoryed in a matter of hours, days or weeks. Humanity, civilized behavior and social stability are virtues in a society but the cannibals have lost it all and Kurtz sees how easily humanity can be destroyed when survival and animal instict needs to take place. It displays to every individual that the id in each of us is that that far- and the horror Kurtz talks of is how scary it is that this id is not that far at all - it could come out at any second- and no one is safe.

Marlow's Journey 2

The current was more rapid now. The reflection off the water made you creepy all over. You can't understand. These little things make all the great difference. Of course the future is a good influence to take care of myself. It made me tingle with enthusiasm. This was the power of the wilderness- every altruistic sentiment- it won't be forgotten. The reflection vanished, and i shook my head as if sorry for my disorientation. Then i brightened up. "Never mind!" i cried, encouragingly. With a toss of my head towards the hill, it seemed to become gloomy all of a sudden. One moment an overcast and bright the next. "Are we in time?" asked the manager. I turned towards the water to find my reflection again. One moment it shone through the sunshine and gone the next with the shadows.

Marlow's Journey

I had been very long on the road. As i approached the dark glow from the villages I found myself at the hissing river. It seemed to remind me of - a dream... yes a dream. It was subtle and penetrating and its essence was uneasy. Was this dream real? Did i see it? What did it want? By heaven! This dream must have been real- to inspire such a tremor. The silence drove the dream-sensation further. After all, i was disturbed and the air of mystery would deepen under my feet and without a wink the feeling disapeared. It was a great comfort- yet not knowing- ever know its true essence left me empty and worried. All this energy wasted, on an unknown dream so delicate and so far. There was an old hippo on the bank of the river that had a bad habit of getting in and out of the water and roaming the night grounds. I walked passed the hippo and continued the twisted river along the spoiled path.

Heart of Darkness 2

In paragraph 58, Marlow describes a painting Kurtz made of "a woman, draped and blindfolded, carrying a lighted torch." The message that Kurtz is trying to send is both a symbolic and ironic point. Kurtz is ironically trying to show a woman who is guided by blind justice with a torch of light. However, if she's blindfolded- why would she need the torch anyways? It's a powerful paradox and it shows the amount of ignorance in the Heart of Darkness. It is "supposed" to represent wisdom, knowledge, and good. However it actually represents ignorance, savagery, and misunderstandings. Now, at this point in the story i think Marlow would agree with this message because he's opposed to London's desire to "civilize" Africa. And this symbol is perfect for the message of London's mission. Through London's ignorance and their own savagery they have the blind arrogance of thinking their ways are any better than Africa's and that they must destroy another's culture because it is different.

Heart of Darkness

Marlow begins his tale of a journey with London in the old times to show how London was "when the Romans came here." It was a place of darkness with death, disease and depression. Marlow tries to show how London, now a place of luxury and civilization was once a place of savagery. The connection between London in Roman times and the colonization of Africa is that they think that Africa is a place of darkness, uncivilized and needing to be conquered. Using their power, hate, and ignorance they want to take over what was once a place of mystery (white) and lead it towards darkness. It is this idea itself that leads these men towards "the heart of darkness" as they ignorantly think one culture is better or less detestable than another. It is this blindness on a massive scale that leads them to a desire to conquer what is present- "the white patch" - Africa.